Hairless Cat

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Soooo…. Let’s just say, in a totally hypothetical situation that you had some cats. And that these cats had fur. And that maybe you lived in a really drafty 2nd-floor apartment in an old Victorian house that was never really warm this past winter.

So in this totally hypothetical situation, the weather starts to warm up and the cats start to shed. And yak. Hairballs galore. It’s like walking around a mine field. And since this situation is totally hypothetical, let’s add in a crawling baby who likes to pick things up off the floor and eat them. Maybe because you like to leave piles of o shaped cereal on low tables for him and he knocks them to the ground to eat.

Anyway, so you have these cats that are leaving piles of loose and regurgitated hair all over the house and you hear about a product for removing your cats’ loose fur. Let’s call this product, oh, I don’t know, The Furminator. (see it here)

So in this totally hypothetical situation, with your totally hypothetical cats with their hypothetical hairballs, you start to brush the cats with The Furminator. And maybe the smaller of the two cats hate it, and you can’t really get any fur off of her. But the big cat… oh the amount of hair that starts coming off the big cat. It’s really impressive. And addictive. Especially since he seems to like it. And maybe this big cat is a striped tabby, and maybe he has a big wide stripe of black fur going down his back.

And so you keep brushing this stripe with The Furminator, (which you totally pronounce in your head like Arnold would) until he gets a little snarly with you. So you reach down to pet him and realize that you made him bald. Or nearly so; that big thick stripe of black fur is now reeeaaaalllly thin and you can see skin beneath it. It may or may not look like a man with a comb-over. One of those desperate looking old men who look like they are trying to cover a basketball with three shoelaces.

The only reason you have no photos of your hypothetically bald cat is because your camera batteries died. You found this out when you picked up the camera to shoot the hypothetically bald cat while your husband stared at you in horror for “balding the cat”.

But of course, none of this really happened, because it was all just hypothetical. After all, there is no visual proof. Especially since the cat in question is hiding inside a sleeping bag, overcome with shame about his hypothetically bald back. Or, maybe he’s just cold.

A Few Days Later

So, if our hypothetical cat was to somehow become a real cat, we might be able to get some photographic evidence of his balding. Of course, our hypothetical cat was balded several days ago, so his fur has thickened up slightly, but for purposes of illustration, he should do just fine.

We will begin by approaching our hypothetical cat inside the sleeping bag where he has been hiding for the last few days.

balded cat 001

While it does not appear that there is any life inside this sleeping bag, by flipping back the cover we find this:

balded cat 002

Hiding his shame from view. We extract him further to get a view of the extremely thin fur on his back.

balded cat 004

This was once a solid black stripe of fur on his back. Now thin enough to show his skin through. A close up:

balded cat 005

And a shot of his head, which has not been balded to show what the stripe used to look like.

balded cat 006

Such a handsome boy. And finally, a shot out in daylight, where we can get the full effect of just how thin his fur has become.

That is skin showing through the black on his back. No wonder he’s been hiding. And please ignore my messy rug. Vacuuming has not been high on my priority list of late. I mean, what with all the hypothetical balding of cats going on around here. And, you know, the move.

His fur is still extremely thick on either side, and he’s been yakking up hairballs left and right, but I just don’t have it in me to take the Furminator to him for fear that he’ll look like this when I’m done:


photo credit youtube